I just found this in my drafts on my Google Drive from August 2014. I probably meant it to be the bones of a piece with sentences and paragraphs and everything, but looks like I could never be bothered to actually write it. (I think the original question was on Q&A). Here it is in its unedited form.
Note the question used “gay people”, so I used the same in the response. I’d normally use “queer people”. See an earlier post for my thoughts on the term for marriage that includes queer people that I refer to here as “gay marriage”.
Why do so many gay people want to be assimilated into the heteronormative-archaic-patriarchal construct that is marriage?
- We don’t
- Rich vocal minority with means and funding to campaign loudly on this issue make it seem like more gay people see this as a major issue than actually do.
- Well-meaning straight people with influence see this as an easy cause to get behind.
- Actual major issues affecting gay people are where the less-vocal majority of gay people actually want to see change:
- Homelessness, particularly for young gay people
- Employment
- Education
- Access to relevant health services – including sexual and mental health, and especially aged care.
- Societal, rather than legal change
- Protection of our culture/subcultures
- Not being called a poofter on national television or being told by boss to move to New Zealand
- Underground gay culture is still strong – most gay people really do reject heteronormativity.
- We do, but we shouldn’t
- Marriage is a form of social control – government regulating our relationships
- Gay marriage means more discrimination; not less
- Immigration (ref UK Home Office guidelines)
- Treatment of trans people
- Treatment of poly people
- Adoption rights
- Increased stigma to unmarried people – including unmarried couples (of all orientations), single parents
- Creation of a ‘gold standard’
- Gay marriage is an attempt to stifle our liberation – by regulating our relationships, our oppressors make us less free; not more free.
- Marriage is promoted as a right, but in reality it is a civic duty – our responsibility to ensure our relationships follow the approved format
- Gay marriage creates a public register of gay people that can be used against us by those who would harm us.
- The whole fucking system is bollocks
- We do, and we should
- The law shouldn’t discriminate
- BUT it still does, indirectly.
- BUT just because it doesn’t discriminate against us doesn’t mean it doesn’t discriminate against anyone.
- Family is universal – our desire to form family units that fit within our wider culture is not assimilation – it’s an expression of our relationships being a valid and important part of society
- Our relationships are normal, not subcultural, and society should recognise that
- We actually just want the legal rights afforded by marriage, and we reject the archaic patriarchal nature of traditional marriage
- We can’t completely eliminate societal discrimination if we don’t eliminate legal discrimination
- Gay marriage, while not perfect, is a definite step in the right direction.
- We shouldn’t ignore the inequality of discriminatory marriage laws just because there are also worse issues affecting gay people
- We like the idea of having a wedding and all the cultural tradition that comes with it
- It’s also just, at it’s most basic element, a certificate and official recognition that two (or more) people love each other.
- Some of us want to get married, and that should be reason enough
- The law shouldn’t discriminate
Versions of gay marriage I have knowledge of and oppose
-
- The UK version. Oh god so awful.
- Spousal veto in particular
- Really heavily gender-defining
- The (thankfully overturned) Canberra version (even fucking worse than the UK)
- Set us apart as different
- Completely excluded trans and genderless people
- The UK version. Oh god so awful.
- Versions of marriage including gay people I could support:
- Any marriage that didn’t exclude any consenting adult. At all. Under any circumstance.
- None, really. The whole system is fucked